Sunday, December 1, 2013

Half Moon Bay Walk #9 with Colleen

I had a magical Thanksgiving. One filled with lots of gluten free pies (!!!!) and wine. I was wished away on Thanksgiving day after begging off responsibility to celebrate to work on job applications. Lainey of walk #8 waltzed up to my door and said "Get your butt out here! You are coming to Thanksgiving!" Where I met Tom and Jane from across the street and they were gracious and open to having a straggler come to their new home and their first Thanksgiving. It was an amazing day of chatting and then SINGING (!!!!!!!). It was glorious. And I met a bright young chemist, Andrew, who I hopefully be walking with in January.

On Friday, Laura had Turkey Day for her and her kids, and I was invited too. It was in the house I am staying at so I just had to walk out the door. I was a bit tired from the glasses of wine I had drank before singing "Big Yellow Taxi" the night before. Luckily all the once pie I ate soaked up most of the wine from the night before. Laura's family is totally awesome. She has loving kids who start at ages just a little bit younger than me. I am in the funny spot of a little bit older and friends with your mom. But for the most part her kids are really open to having me around as this weird artist person in the spare bedroom. I must say I think Californians in general are just more open. Even conservatives in they state seem more liberal in mind set to my Minnesota roots. Colleen, is one of Laura's daughters, and the twin of Kati, my first walk in Half Moon Bay. I celebrated Laura's Bday at her house a few months ago. She loves baseball. So we definitely have something to talk about.

First Colleen and I had scheduled the walk for Friday but after a long Turkey Day the day before, we pushed our walk to Saturday. Because Colleen is Laura's daughter I was worried she felt pressured into walking with me. But that quickly dissipated as we walked. As it was Thanksgiving weekend, there were a TON of people out with their dogs on Poplar Beach. We decided to walk on the beach. Which is quite the workout. :) And our hands were rather sweaty. Colleen and I look like opposites a bit. Or rather we joked that I was good at the connection of love while Colleen is good at the business of it. She had a 11 year relationship. Whereas I have had…an on again off again 9 month relationship…and that is pushing it…as a lot of it was off. Colleen has been thinking about relationships a lot as she is learning to be single and opening up to having new friends. If this isn't your first blog post you have read. Obviously we can relate to each other. we openly discussed relationships that we feel are inappropriate. We discussed what we want in men.

Two amazing moments stood out among the insistent chatter of our desire. Well, one wasn't really a moment. With Colleen being "all business" there is an irony to that….as the thing is…she is a lot more light hearted than I. She were walking along on our way back and I was just like "Wow this has been a great walk." Colleen agreed. And I thought to myself well hell let's take a breath and take a moment to celebrate that….So out I screamed "Wooooooooooooo!" and raised our hands being held a bit higher. With all the dogs and their owners running round the beach….I was like fuck it. I wanted to hold on to the light feeling that was growing in me…and Colleen without hesitation joined me. I am a serious one and walking with Colleen made me lighten up.

Another amazing moment was Colleen's reflection on relationships and loving yourself. I have spent years alone, figuring myself out, not wanting to muddy someone else up with myself. Finding yourself is all of life, it doesn't end. Colleen and I are so different and her insight was so enlightening to me. As I hope mine was to her. Here is an amazing thought, "Learning to love yourself is no excuse not to share yourself with someone else as you learn." I know, I know it isn't rocket science but in the moment it felt like finding gold in a bucket full of silt. We are taught lately to fix ourselves. Be perfect. Don't let anyone see your flaws. Well I am going to be really old before I can love someone if I wait for that. And I may want kids. Maybe. I know with all definite thoughts. I want to love and be loved. By friends. By a handsome man. By well everyone. :)

All sweaty and talking talking talking about illicit love as we rounded the bend back to Laura's house. What a walk. A foggy beach. A sunny feeling inside. Colleen made the most amazing drawing. That I have to share. Yes, it would seem that Colleen is purple heart bursting out…and maybe I was able to give that feeling to her. But truthfully, we are both a little of each heart. I mean isn't this project my way of bursting out from behind MY walls? I truly wish there was a way to keep doing these walks. Some way I could get paid to keep learning these amazing lessons. And I am really ready for a couple dates…

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