Friday, October 11, 2013

HMB Walk #5 with Nancy

I have to admit I just woke up not feeling the greatest the day of this walk. I am out of my element here in HMB. Using it as a retreat, which means I don't have 5 meetings or a ton of friends to hang out with. And there isn't a crew of people my age that I know. Which makes me feel a bit alienated. But then I sort of sit back and I want to expend energy creating a social group? No I want to get into the painting studio and make some awesome things. I have meditated 9 days in a row and I have to say it is an amazing experience. With all that, the walks get me out and about and meeting great people of all ages. I bring this all up, so openly, because after a walk. I always feel better.

Nancy and I met at Laura's house. Nancy brought her adorable dog, Oliver. We made sure to get him in our hand holding picture. :) and successfully picked up dog poop while holding hands! It is amazing that always always always you learn things about people you didn't know before. I met Nancy a few years ago here in Half Moon Bay. I was at a Bad Art Night of Laura's and Nancy and I chatted away energetically. It was really fun and I love Nancy's energy. She just walked the Avon Cancer Walk and we had facebooked about walking after we both had recovered from our intense physical activity. So Nancy and I got to walking. Nancy was nervous and sort of had me lead where we were going other than to say she would like to walk the neighborhood and not the coast. We walked a fun, funny, loop-de-loo-ed pathway down streets and then around them again but up a block and then a little bit on the beach. Then down another part of the neighborhood. Nancy and I settled into the walk. I started to feel better after about 10 minutes, after really just feeling off, we chatted away. Including discussing Fargo, and the atmosphere of small cities in the upper Midwest. how it feels that there are art communities there bursting to bee seen and expand but the conservative landscape doesn't do much for that blooming.

What came up almost immediately in our walk was depression. I am very concerned that if I make the wrong move next I will plummet into depression. Here I am with no regular job, no permanent home, and lots of things up in the air and I feel better than when I have all those things in place. What a strange thing. I know I could look things like my parents probably are....what the hell are you doing?!?! get a job!?!? how can you think this is art?!?! how are you going to make money!?!? But there I was, on another walk, passively and actively looking for answers. Anywho, I wasn't going to say this to Nancy but I did. And she said well you can talk to me about it, I battle depression too. Well, there you go. This happily married woman, with adorable dogs, and a life very full with activity and substance has to make sure not to fell into the same traps I do. The same traps many folks have to deal with.

That was an amazing thing that came out almost immediately as we held hands. Wow, it just floored me how open we can be. So on we walked. Ironically, as we walked the streets we ran into a friend of Nancy's. Which I think made her really nervous. This project is pretty out there and there we were talking to her former dog walker as we held hands. The great thing is...she never flinched or took away her hand. She explained what we were doing and we chatted for awhile like nothing was weird and then away we went.

We then got into a popular artist conversation. how do we make money doing what we are doing....and I think I see a few things clearly now. how to make money being good at: marketing, making art you may not care much about spiritually but that you know will sell, busting your ass, and luck. And we both said we don't want to do is make work that we doesn't resonate with us soulfully, and that when you mix art with money it can feel wrong. It was a great conversation and I am so glad Nancy pushed herself into this project. She wrote she is going to discuss the benefits of hand holding with her husband and she if she can work this into their routine. :) Or at least try it out. Again each walk, has a new topic that emerges, a new angle. Maybe this is all just one big healing for me. Or maybe this is something I will do my whole life to inspire and create with others. Wow.


  1. So happy to hear about things going on back home and see photos. Oliver is very cute and I'm glad you and Nancy resonated. Missing you all! xo

  2. Paige,

    I was delighted to participate in your walking project! I was not really sure what to expect, but went with the flow and had a wonderful time walking & talking with you. You are a remarkable woman and I appreciate your journey of self-discovery. After all, isn't that what life is all about? Depression is a dark traveler, and any light that shines on it (through exercise, honest self-expression, following your path) helps to keep it at bay. Acceptance is the key. Shine on darling Paige. XO