Saturday, October 5, 2013

Walk #4 in HMB: Judy

Getting ready for Pumpkin Festival Oct 20-21!!!! makes for a beautiful day! 
I woke up a bit late to get all I wanted to get done before meeting up with Judy. I woke up around 830am-ish and I wanted to meditate before I left for Judy's. That meant showering and eating pretty quick. I got in 15 minute of meditating with some reading of a kundalini yoga book and written reflection. I then slammed some yogurt and granola down my throat and hit the road. I wasn't feeling the greatest. But in the last three weeks, I have muscled through being in a new place and running a half. I know what I will feel better after walking over to Judy's.
It was a hot day on the coast and I was in a coat and sweaty when I got to Judy's. Judy has a great studio here in Half Moon Bay. She gives workshops there and I have to say i would go there if I lived here. I loved the idea of rummaging through her boxes of collage items and different art mediums. It felt inviting. It felt inviting because Judy was inviting. We sat and chatted about our art educations for awhile. She has a transformative art degree. Which is an interesting type of education that seems to have a art therapy/community building focus. We were really getting into a great conversation but it was time to start walking.

I think Judy was suprised by how holding hands changed our conversation at the beginning. It is nerve wracking to run into people you know while holding a strangers hand. We ran into her boyfriend right away and he handled it with cool but definitely inwardly wondered awkwardly what we were doing. He shook my other hand and away we kept walking.
Waters' Edge 
We walked to Enso the local yoga and art mecca of half Moon Bay. I have heard about their community meals on Monday nights. Judy seemed very comfortable with holding hands and we chatted with her friends while holding hands. She mentioned it was for an art project and solcitied them to sign up for a walk. I heard a woman and man talk about the marathon and how one person went to the hospital but overall that at the medical tent she helped attend to people, things went very well. I wanted to shout out that I had run the half. I am very proud of the feat. But less and less do I feel like interuppting people. The man was saying how he wanted to go as a runner. After the woman had asked  why he hasn't gone yet. In response to people needing the medic tent he mentioned drinking while running....which I thought was an uneducated thing to say. Cause what I saw that day there was no one partying before hand at 630am in the morning. Drinking and running is not a rampid issue at Half Moon Bay marathon. Yes afterwards folks have a get carbs in....but it isn't like a eager before a football game.
Anywho, it was a hot day and Judy and I stopped holding hands so she could take off her jacket. Her friends were intrigued by the project and it was nice to find a little oasis that is open to intrigue. We walked to the edge of the water and then back towards her studio.
Beautiful women!!!!!!!!
We spoke a lot about art. I voiced that I felt like no one really valued my skills as an aritst. But thinking about it now, I am the one that doesn't value my skills. i learned from where I am from to not really think that art is a skill....or it is something that seeped in over time. I have a hard time commodifying art. It makes me feel like something is lost. Even teaching and selling art. I am like why can't I just do it? Why do I have to market myself? Now I guess I am looking at it differently, I have to support myself somehow, why not support myself using the skills I have been honing for more than a decade now. Before, I wanted to make it big. Be famous. Now, I want a community I enjoy and the time to enjoy it.
I saw this in what Judy has. Her studio. Her community at Enso. Her boyfriend. Her work.
She reminded me it took time to get a following to take her workshops. That it isn't easy.
What I loved about Judy was the way she spoke of teaching and art. She spoke of what she wanted to teach. Not what others tried to mold her into teaching. This is really important for me to learn. To be excited about what I am interested in and transmitting that to others! That is what makes a good class. That is what makes it worth while to teach.
I am 32 and really tired. So tired I wonder if maybe I am sick in someway internally. I need something to get excited about. I used to live manically. Lots of energetic feelings. Lots of spurts of energy. Now I have evened out my emotions so much that all I have is consistent. It just doesn't feel right. It is weird to be as balanced as I am....I have really found a center. And now I wonder if I will ever enjoy things with exuberance. I wonder how I find what I want to teach and share. I know it is there. I just have to take the time and energy to find it.
On our way back, Judy and I really felt comfortable together and were pretty joyful. We were stopped by a man in an SUV looking for money for gas. I just found it weird if you are almost out of gas...why are you driving around asking for money? Wouldn't you stop somewhere and ask? It was a weird thing, trying to decide if this guy was telling the truth or not. Judy and I both didn't have our wallets with us was a weird display of emotion of some sort with the man seeming to start to break down crying and then seconds later shutting down and walking away.
interestingly we tried out different hand positions because I had been sent a article about how lesbians have a more equitable hand holding style than men. That men usually lead or possess the woman's hand. Truthfully, after walking with so many folks....I think it is hog wash. I mean sure maybe the guy leadsthe hand but it doesn't really matter. Holding hands feels even to me. Either position. Judy and I explored it and really i didn't notice a difference. I guess I need to explore this more with other walkers.
Judy and I ended with our observations and Judy created a beautiful piece as observation and we talked about it whic his something people don't usually do with me. She read her piece and I thanked her for participating.
She said in her writing that she had found a kindred spirit. and YES! it did feel like that. She was so open to the project and got what I was doing. I left with books to read about working with elderly and some asian american memoirs. Which I hope to start reading today. Two art making book lovers! What a pair!
Even with feeling a bit ill, walking with Judy took me out of that. I didn't need to be more than. I just needed to be me. And that was enough. I look forward to getting a community meal. I look forward to reading books let by an amazing artist. I look forward to more open. I look forward to learning what I want to teach and learn.

I don't usually show reflections on the blog but I just thought thee were so beautiful I wanted to share.
Judy on the left and mine of the right.
Judy commented on my facebook and it just sums everything up so well! : I think we covered mental health, growing older, art, art, art, college, men, nature, women, n vs s calif, touch, energy, intimacy, fear, and what in the heck is art?

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